Hair Metal Heaven…Only A Few Sprinkles of Heaven!

Just as I thought… loads of back combed/long hair girls and guys, band shirts, cowboy boots, plenty of hair spray and splashes of animal print…but oh my I was in heaven! To be surrounded by people who love the same music/style as you is a great feeling for a girl who comes from a town where it is not so common place and in many ways frowned upon. If you’re not wearing tracksuit bottoms, market stall trainers and an outdated football top, you’re done up too nicely and god guys with long hair…forget it!

We queued up outside the City Hall waiting to go in but alas the doors did not open on time, a lot of metal heads were burning in the heat complaining like vampires which made me laugh so hard! A few basic bitches walked on by laughing and childishly giggling to themselves but didn’t dare look any of them in the eye. I loved the fact that so many people from so many places were there, Danes, Russians, Germans, the odd Japanese and a few Geordies 😊. The fact that Hull was named the City of Culture 2017 was a brilliant idea to have this event here but to find out that the organiser had no help from the funding bestowed upon the City was quite sad. The idea of the event was brilliant and this weekend in Sheffield it is the turn of Hair Metal Sleaze Festival, I would have loved to have gone to that too but I’m really stretching with time off from work. I think my boss would have killed me as would my poor credit card!

45 minutes ater the doors were meant to open, we were allowed in and I had to present my winning tweet and email to claim my wristband but the door staff had no idea, didn’t check my details and just gave me a band anyway… I could have been talking shit for all they knew and got into the event for free! But hey, all I cared was that I was in. Everyone piled in and of course like all metal heads the first pit stop was the bar! With two bars in the building and two members of staff on each there was a long queue at both bars. I personally wasn’t thirsty yet so I just hanged around the lobby outside the door, once opened I went straight to the front bar. Shiraz Lane was meant to be on stage at 1.30pm but since the doors didn’t open until 1.15pm, the event was already running grossly behind so to my surprise when they opened the doors to the perform stage, they were STILL setting up and doing sound checks?! Hang on! You’ve been here all the morning, what the f*** have you been doing?! But whatever, at least it was getting started.

The first band looked like a Guns n Roses tribute act, they sounded ok and were decent to listen to but I was mainly waiting for Shiraz Lane and they kicked arse! Their sound was on point, they looked awesome and performance value was amazing, it was great meeting them after the show by the merchandise stand too. Really humble guys, they came over to chat since I was on my own and I didn’t want to burden them with my presence when so many other people wanted to see them. I guess it’s just the English in me, I can wait in line being polite. I missed them a lot, 9 months has been a long time since seeing them last. Killcode was on after them and they sounded great too, typical over the top Americans but were fun to chat to as well. There was a break but everything was still running 60 minutes behind so nobody really knew what the times were or anything so people were just milling about and then the bars ran out of beer on tap!!! You’ve got a festival filled with metal heads and you’ve ran out of beer! And I noticed 6 bottles of empty Jack Daniels on the side, luckily they had some bottles of Coors and Budweiser but they didn’t last long. Thankfully there was a Tesco over the road and a few pubs dotted about to quench the hunger of thirst.

I watched a few more bands until about 8pm and for some reason the sound quality just went down hill, the bass drum got turned up, so they turned the mike up, but then you couldn’t hear the main guitar and the rhythm guitar became non existent but because the singer then thought they couldn’t be heard they screamed through the mike which gave me such a headache and earache. By that point my back had started to give way anyway and I forgot my painkillers so I went back to the hotel and rested up. The main event for me was Sunday evening.

The next day everything continued to go down hill, some bands had refused to play and the rumour mill started going around that they weren’t being paid. Michael Monroe was meant to do a VIP only acoustic session on the Saturday night but when he arrived at Heathrow airport he had no transport from there to Hull, he had no hotel booked for him to stay so he just turned around and went back home! I would have been rather annoyed that I had paid extra to see him to then learn that he wasn’t coming because the organiser messed up. Another band had pulled out on the Sunday so the whole line up had been moved around and people were really unsure about what was going on, what time people were on or what was happening. People were just milling around, getting drunk, casually looking round and not much happening. The biggest pain in the arse came later in the day.

One band finished and as usual the room started to empty, people getting refills, roaring with laughter, comparing photos and just chilling, the turn around was about 15 minutes but something had obviously gone wrong because 15 minutes turned into nearly 2 hours! It was said that they were waiting for the singer from Loudness, a Japanese metal band from the 80s, who’s plane had got delayed at Manchester and then got caught in traffic. People were starting to get restless, I mean I’m sure they could have found someone to come on stage in the mean time just to keep the flow of the day going. It really stalled the day and the same problem as the day before the sound quality was very poor, the levels were not right and it gave off awful feedback. Thankfully the sound tech guy for the band D.A.D really knew his stuff and spent ages sorting out the levels, the mikes everything. So when D.A.D came on, they sounded amazing. I’ve never heard or seen them before and I was really surprised and thoroughly enjoyed their set.  I loved Stig Pedersen’s bass guitars and outfit, why he does it I’m not sure but he was a true showman and they looked amazing.

But the main attraction for me was the insanely handsome and fun loving guys from Reckless Love. My Finnish merry metal heads. They always know how to put on a show, Olli’s moves and gorgeous locks, Pepe’s wild hair and quick fingers, Jalle’s cheeky smile and Hessu’s double bass drum action melts into one amazing show which sadly was very short (for me) since everything beforehand had messed up. Reckless Love were meant to be on at 8.10pm they were not on stage until 10.20pm! That’s insane! Sebastian Bach and his Allstar band were meant to be on at 9.10pm and were not on until 11.30pm after having to set up. The event was meant to finish at 11pm, we got out at about 12.45am but I waited to see Reckless Love, I only caught Olli and Pepe but it was worth it. I was going to get a photo with Sebastian Bach but he proved how much of a dick he was to a girl in front of me so I thought better of it. This girl was nearly crying as she was so excited to see Seb, he said yes to a photo but as she wrapped her arm around him, he shrugged away, said that she was being inappropriate and got in the van and drove off. I felt so bad for her as she was so excited to see him and he blew her off. I didn’t think anything that she did was inappropriate and also can I just add, the fans are what put you where you are today! I’m not saying devote everything to them but remember and be that thankful that you’ve got to do something with your life (your hobby) and it makes people so happy so just a give a little back. Another thing, you are actually a has been so stop walking round with a fucking ego like Gaga who deserves it cos she’s awesome and in some terms still relevant.

Basically the whole thing was a brilliant idea, bringing 80s hair metal back with some golden oldies and fresh new talent melted together to create a cracking event but it felt a bit juvenile. The organisation was poor, they needed better sound techs and stage hands, the venue needed to stock up more, the time table needed to be adjusted and it’s a shame that there wasn’t more people. The rumour was the the organisers took a Β£50,000 loss which is a such a shame. I still enjoyed myself and met some amazing people and just one weirdo that followed me to McDonalds and then I lost him so not all bad. I normally get a whole group of weirdos.

Great event, great fun just needed better planning!



Can’t Beat A Little Getaway!

The distant singing of Sam Cooke lulls me to my awakening but oh man its only 3am! It doesn’t matter because for the first time in my life I’m travelling alone…to meet a friend which boths excites me and terrifies me at the same time.

I had this trip planned in my head for so long but thanks to recent circumstances I was able to fulfil my dream of solo travel. The world is such a big place and sometimes I find myself staring out of the window at work to the sea thinking, beyond the ocean and across the land is a much bigger and diverse space. For little ‘ole me it’s a scary big place and even more scary in its recent predicament of mad men running around trying to ruin people’s lives, but why should I let them stop me?

I kept an eye on flights and hotel before finally booking it and then there’s no going back (thanks to the flights being non refundable). But where was I going? Anywhere exotic? Anywhere far fetched? No…just Belgium! A country steeped in history, chocolate and beer! Nothing more for anyone to ask for. I used and TripAdvisor to search for the perfect spot to relax and Skyscanner to keep an eye on fluctuating flight prices. If you join up to Skycanner (for free) you can create price alerts for your selected dates from your chosen airport to your destination. Believe me it helped a lot!

I love traveling but sadly due to my serious lack of funds (being a waitress is not the best paid job believe it or not) I cannot do it as often as I like. But even so, I have picked up a few tricks along the way which have made me a better and savvy traveller. My favourite trick has been my routine to pack and making the most out of what I take. I always try to take items which can be doubled up both as night time and day time outfits and durable for all weather’s depending where I am going and at what time of year. But I always always always….take a pair of jeans that are either black or ripped. Jeans can be styled up or down and are very durable as you don’t have to wash them once used or spoiled (Jeans were never meant to be washed, just in this day and age have we become accustomed to doing so). I live in my converse at home so it would be stupid not to take them away with me. They are great for during the day especially if you are doing a lot of sight seeing and I think being comfy (also stylish) is one of the most important things when you’re getting lost and immersed in another culture. Plus I take an umbrella and my sunglasses because you never know what good old Mother Nature has in store for you no matter what Mr Weatherman has to say! I find that taking a medium sized bag preferably a small backpack helps, nothing to small that you can’t get the umbrella and sunglasses in but nothing too big that you get neck and back strain after 2 hours of walking, I learned that the hard way!

Brussels is beautiful for sight seeing and great for chilling having an ice cold beer with friends. It’s a little expensive but hey what city heavily populated in August with tourists isn’t! I thoroughly enjoyed Antwerp too even though it rained all day when I was there; made it more serene and beautiful in my eyes but I like the rain anyway! It’s great for shopping, it has a zoo and has amazing bars and quirky but quaint restaurants down the back streets off the squares. One of my favourite places was Kids Rhythm & Blues bar, I can’t wait to go back there, have another beer and rock out to a band with my Belgium bestie! Gent was also very beautiful, a discount Bruges if you will but at the same time just as delightful and filled with history and old architecture. Having tomato soup, sitting outside on the side of a small bridge with the glimmering warm rays of the sun flickering on my face is a memory I’ll cherish forever and even more so for spending time with an amazing young woman. 

People always say “oh why go away? Stay here and save money, home can be just as beautiful”, but I disagree slightly. Home becomes stagnant, basically the same old shit different day, nothing inspiring; a little thing will change here and there but nothing stimulating. Nothing is greater than immersing yourself within another culture, hearing them speak their language, learning from them and becoming less ignorant of their existence. As a English woman (a society that sadly sometimes relishes in its own selfishness and ignorance) I feel its important to travel the world. Our ancestors travelled across this globe to develop our learning and understanding, making connections across this planet which I think, if we learn from it now, we can create a future.

But the biggest plus to having a getaway is the chance to have some peace at your own pace and escape the hustle and bustle of the mundane life that we all know happens to us and that life just tend to become. It also gives me peace from the biggest agitator in my life…my mother!


So Band Tees Are Fashionably Aceeptable Now?!

“Designer Band Tees, this season’s newest fashion trend!” Whoa wait a minute! What?! To me and many others I’m sure, band tees have always been fashionable! I hate the fact that now because celebs like Kendall Jenner (give me freaking strength) are rocking Slayer/Metallica shirts that stupid trend bunnies are jumping on the freaking (band) wagon. “Oh my god it looks so cool but who are they?” I overheard a girl saying in Primark picking up a pale pink ACDC top with black lace fringing, she then tried it on with black stretched leggings (one of my biggest fashion hates), Adidas trainers and matching sports jacket. First of all, you don’t know who the band is and second of all (I understand that everyone has their own tastes) you’re not pairing them with the right items for the best look for that top! I’d pair it with ripped skinny jeans with frayed hems, a leather jacket, converse, aviators and a black bucket bag but hey, who am I to tell you how to wear it?

I just hate the fact like with a lot of things, people get called geeky, weird, sad because they show their appreciation for bands or tv series that they like but now since it can be classed as a fashion trend it’s ok. I see girls wearing Star Wars tops but have no idea what it’s about.  I was once in a shop and there was a top with Yoda on the front and a girl went “oh look what a cute green teddy bear”…are you freaking kidding me? Jesus girl, please don’t sound so stupid! Loads of girls seem to be losing…I don’t know…their brains, common sense, lack of understanding…whatever it is it makes me angry that girls think it’s cute to sound so stupid and not just on t-shirts but just in general…I struggle with girls at work when we’re talking about pop culture and they don’t have a clue but hey that’s a different story.

All I’m saying is, I find it insulting that people get ridiculed for being Goths, punks, rockers etc but as soon as some celebrity or main stream fashion house declares it this season’s newest trend that all of a sudden it becomes ok. Fashion is down to somebody’s personal taste and doesn’t suddenly become cool or outdated because of somebody else’s say so.

Love your bands/clothes because you do not because it is popular to do so.

Rock is love, rock is fashion, rock is life!


Am I The Only One Who Has Lists??

“Well that’s ticked off my bucket list”, hang on a minute…I’m not dying so why do I have a Bucket List??

Through life I’ve added things onto my Bucket List, my Luxury List and my Band List. Why I do it I don’t know but my best guess is because I want to achieve things and no matter how small, it gives me something to strive for. Both my parents are not…let’s say…ambitious and one certain parent has a huge chip on their shoulder and wants everything to be handed to them which sadly life doesn’t do. Because of them I’ve always prepared myself to be disappointed, always prepared myself for the worst so that when things don’t go my way it doesn’t hurt as much but when it does I can be over the moon. My brother does the same thing, it’s probably very unhealthy mentally but I still function through life.

I have the boring things on my Bucket List like landmarks, countries and activities. Thankfully I can say I’ve been to Venice, up St Mark’s Tower to stare at the view which is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, looked the Rialto Bridge (couldn’t get over the bridge thanks to a huge group of Chinese tourists but hey) and wandered round the Doge Palace but I am yet to see my own Capital City of London…yes I’ve been to the Tower of London but not the rest of it. I’d love to go to the glorious US of A even though my uncle who works over there a lot says I’m not missing much but a trip to the USA also entwines with my Band List as I’d love to go to Los Angeles…the home of 80s rock! Just for my own reasons and to find the birth of sleazy rock n roll.

On my luxury list is another bunch of clichΓ© things like a Louis Vuitton suitcase, a Chanel handbag, Tiffany diamond earrings (for what occasion where they would be required I’d never know) and the not so luxury item of a pair of LEVI jeans, not expensive to some but to piss poor little ole me it is! I know people say that material things can’t buy you happiness which obviously they don’t but for a short while they can give you a small satisfaction, the feeling of…”yeah, I achieved that”. Which brings me to the full circle of my reason for lists.

Yes maybe it is an obsession with trying to make my life have meaning, so that when my day comes I can say…”well that was time well spent” or I can feel satisfied with what I have done (materialistic or not) rather than looking back and thinking…”fuck what a waste of time”. I’d hate to be disappointed with my life and yes at the moment I am not achieving much significantly which is why I give myself the smaller goals to create the illusion of achievement. 

I just hope I can make someone happy and proud with what I have done and not be the disappointment which I am trying so hard not to become.


They Should Be More Like Foo!

It came as such a surprise to everyone when two weeks ago Foo Fighters dropped a surprise single! Nothing had been put on social media, nothing said to the press just absolute silence which I think, especially in this day and age was fantastic. 

It was quite refreshing for a band to do something by surprise which I think in turn gave it a better reception than it could have hoped. Don’t get me wrong not everyone loved it, I personally enjoyed it but it’s not my favourite Foo Fighter song but it is still great. I’m saying this as a lot of bands lately show us all over their social media stations what they are doing, how they are doing, giving us snippets and I think you build up such a high expectation of it that when it finally arrives you are either elated or thoroughly disappointed. 

I love Nickelback (I know it’s a sticky point but that’s my opinion) and they just said they were releasing a new single and then “Feed the Machine” dropped which surprised everyone at its opening riff and powerful lyrics (I couldn’t help but feel they were aimed at a certain president πŸ€”). The second single, hmm not so much of an impact but in typical Nickelback fashion, they have to throw in a ballad eske single somewhere. 

But my biggest sadness is how I feel about the new Santa Cruz single “River Phoenix”. For months since the boys got back from their very impressive USA tour with rock legend Sebastian Bach, they were informing us on a daily/weekly basis of how awesome it was going to be, laying down drum tracks, lyrics etc and then when it finally dropped on 26th May,  my Instagram feed was filled with the image of Archie wearing his River Phoenix jacket but some very very mixed reviews. It was such a shame to have such polar opposite reviews, I’m in the middle ground as I was disappointed with it but I remain in hope of the rest of the album being what I have become accustomed to by the Santa Cruz boys.

The chorus of the song is their typical chanting fashion and then Johnny’s solo in the middle is just beautiful but I’m missing the…untouched, raw vocals of Archie, they sound too polished for me and that’s what I liked about the boys, pure raw energy and sound! I’m not saying that I will never listen to them again and completely disregard this song as like my friend said, once you’ve listened to it a few times it grows on you. I am not throwing shade on the boys but I’m not as so blind to love everything they do just because they have their name on it. 

I am a Bon Jovi girl at heart but I admit that sadly, they’ve lost their mojo but I understand that they are older and will not always be the rocking 20 year old guys that I’d love them to be. Jon can’t sing live as good as what he used to, Richie left (but PhilX is a worthy replacement) and I don’t know they lost their way. I didn’t enjoy their last two albums but there is some good songs. My main point is that you can love something but don’t always have to agree blindly with everything that they do.

Overall all I am saying is that sometimes bands should really go back to basics and surprise every once in a while, not blast everything before it happens, personally it reduces the fun for me. Then again I have no creativity in me to produce anything that they do. I love rock music and that’s how I feel. Happy rocking everyone!!!


What’s Wrong With Me??

“You have nothing to be sad for, you’re not depressed!” Said a colleague. On the outside and a lot of the time, I’m walking around laughing, smiling and general being irritabley chirpy but deep down I’m not a happy person.

It’s Mental Health Awareness month here in the UK and I think it’s important that people talk about it. Since Depression runs in the family, it was hard to avoid it. I was diagnosed when I was 14 but I manage it a lot better now than I did back then. I was being bullied at school, my parent’s divorce had gone through but were arguing so much it was upsetting, my brother was in and out of hospital with a calcium deficiency and my mum had lost her job which in turn made us lose our rented property and which then made us essentially homeless. I was trying to do my GCSE’s while living in one room with my mum and brother in a hostel filled with druggies, ex convicts and prostitutes and struggling with ‘friends’ or lack of, I really hated my life. I turned to cutting up my arm, only a little but enough to harm, I wasn’t eating much and I just wanted to cry all the time. I found my salvation in music because I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Mum told me to man up and stop being pathetic, I had no friends to speak to, I never tell my dad everything (even now, he is always right and pointless to argue with even when he is wrong) and my gran just didn’t understand either. 

I found Bon Jovi flicking through the music channels and I went online listened to some more of their stuff and I loved it. I listened to them all the time, I fell “in love” with Jon Bon Jovi, I printed off his pictures and blue tacked them all over the wall and when I was down I’d lay on my bed just staring at his face to make me feel happy. That’s how I mainly deal with my down days, listening to music calms me, makes me feel alive or just makes me feel something.

But then my brother was diagnosed with depression too at 16 but his became way out of control. He felt let down by everyone even though I tried my hardest to bring him up with the limited help from my parents (they were great but didn’t take the time to understand cos…this is life and it sucks) he still felt abandonment.  He was soon diagnosed with Manic Depression almost Bi Polar. He was put on medication and at one point was nearly locked up in a mental institution because he locked himself up in his room and sliced his thighs open. Unlike me who listened(s) to music he is fortunate enough to have the talent to play it to take out his frustrations but sadly that was one of his down points, he was struggling with bands because he loves music they just wanted to play it and shag about. Thankfully he is in a better place now but I am still struggling to find satisfaction in my life with only small pieces of hope every now and then. I can be generally happy but I know my demons are lurking and at the moment, more days than often they appear.

My brother and I are fortunate enough to have each other to vent and to understand as people on the outside don’t know us at all, but then again do we really know ourselves?? The Japanese believe that each person has 3 faces, the one people see, the one you to your close friends and family and the face you only show yourself. The face you show yourself is said to be your truest form, I won’t tell you what I see.

I don’t want people to think bad or feel sorry for me as I know this is me. I hope one day to be free of my demons but I can’t only do that if people’s ignorance doesn’t get in my way and instead of pushing it aside, lend a hand to help.


Dammit…Now I’ve got to Make an Effort Again!!

I’ve got so used to being gross…I mean…I wash myself, my hair, try and keep my mono brow in check, wear make up, clean my teeth and stuff, but smaller things I tend to forget about. 

I could always hide my skin with make up and stuff and at night I felt relaxed just mooching around my home with my hair scraped back off my shiny forehead, no make up on, spots laid bare, bra off, waltzing around in my pajamas rocking out to Bon Jovi but now…that I’m single again…I can’t be a slob! I know someone should always love another for being themselves but you’ve still got to reel them in first before you get too weird…right?!

Personally, I’m not on the look out for anyone new, I am quite happy being on my own but you never know what life will throw at you (a long haired rockstar please 😜) so I guess I must be some kind of prepared. But I don’t want to create myself to be something I’m not and I don’t care what you say even the most gorgeous people on the planet think “fuck it, I’m gonna look like a sack of shit today! Eat crap, stay in my pj’s and watch crappy old films”. 

I’m not fat by any stretch of the imagination but there are definitely some wobbly bits and that little muffin top over my jeans seems to be making a bigger impact in my life. It’s just I hate eating healthy foods, I function off sugar and saturated fats which is really bad I know (especially since both my grandmother and my father are type 2 diabetics with high blood pressure) but once they invent a pepperoni pizza tasting salad, then I’m sorted! I don’t want to be super skinny like I was in college (size 6 and weighing just over 6 stone) because that wasn’t right, more than anything I just want to feel better in myself so that I will have to do.

I don’t know if I’m the only person who does this but…in the winter I…don’t tend to shave my legs a lot…I KNOW I KNOW….it’s kind of gross but they’re either in my bed or under 3 layers of clothing and no one gets to see my legs even in the summer…I’m not a huge fan of my milk bottles and I can’t pull off a fake tan to save my life! I just don’t see the point in having silky smooth legs for the inside of my jeans to see… but now I have to…in case for some random reason I have to get my legs out! I highly doubt it but hey…

I try my hardest to keep my eyebrows in check, it’s rather hard when my life would be easier if I could just use wax but I’m allergic to adhesive so Mr Tweezer is my good friend in my beauty box. If I leave it for more than 4 days, I see little hairs sprouting in the middle, so those bitches have to die straight away! Nothing says weird that a striking mono brow…even better just one big lonely hair in the centre. It just doesn’t look right but dang it…in the summer my hair grows quicker and it becomes a part time job!

I guess as time goes by you get too comfortable in a relationship and become used to that person being by your side no matter what you look like…I mean I didn’t look like a sack of shit all the time and did make an effort but you get my understanding. You eat what you like, wear what you like and forget what you look like because you know that person is always there to love you. My ex partner and I are still friends but now we are our own separate people, individuals going on a new journey which excites me as well as terrifies me. 

I hope that I can better myself, become something more than what I am at the moment. I’m just your average skinny jeans, hoodie, band t shirt wearing rock chick…but dang it I can glam it up to! I’m a GlamRat after all!!!

Is There Such Thing as a Mid 20’s Life Crisis?

What am I doing? Where am I going? Is this where I want to be? Have I achieved anything?

I’ve hit 25 and a half years old and lately all these questions came into my head. I’ve recently split from an 8 and a half year relationship, I still live with my mother, I have had the same pointless job for 7 years next month, I’ve never been to university, my music taste (as my parents keep telling me) is juvenile, I wear the same boring clothes (my mother keeps telling me), I still don’t know how to drive, I don’t have a tattoo yet (I’m too scared of pain to get one and I get bored easily), I can’t play an instrument even though I’m in love with people who do, I have no friends (not who share similar intrests) and all I do lately is compare myself to others which I know is a bad thing but I can’t help it!

As a child, I had high hopes for myself and tried my best to learn all that I could. The one thing I was always good at was talking and I had a great imagination yet I had difficulties making friends and no one shared the same imagination as me, or they did up to a certain point. I moved around a lot as a child so I never made any real connections or attachments with people or places. When I was a teen I just thought, ah well time will pass I won’t need them anyway but to be honest I kind of do. I have no one to hang out with, go shopping with, go to gigs so I’m rather jealous of the whole stupid #squadgoals thing. The only friend I feel like I have to talk about music, fashion etc to is a girl I met via the wonderful world of instagram. Even though a lot of people will be like “oh she’s not real”, “what if she’s a 50 year old man”, “could be a complete weirdo” I understand their concerns but we’ve talked for like 2 years maybe more, exchanging photos and chats and stuff. But I positively think that the possibility of there being someone else in this world who likes the same stuff as me is real and this girl is it. I’m thankful I’ve found her and she can give a non judgemental approach to stuff I talk to her about as she doesn’t live in the same country as me but we have such a great understanding for each other.

I had a boyfriend (well fiancΓ© but I’m not a huge fan of the word) up until a few weeks ago, things just didn’t work out after 8 and a half years and we were grown up about it and split amicably but now I’m like…right…what do I do with that free time? I’m not on the look out for anybody but I do wonder, what do people think of me, what do I look like to them, am I sexy, am I too weird, is my mother right about my style, do I have an annoying laugh…you know the normal thoughts πŸ˜• I also have a select taste in men, usually long hair, leather pants, tattoos and eyeliner and those kind of guys generally don’t go for short ginger girls like me so I’m gonna be waiting a while, which to be honest doesn’t bother me (I’m friend lonely, not boyfriend lonely). I look at girls with their guys on social media and everyone seems to be drawn to a similar person to themselves so there is hope out there. My positive look to this is that if someone is mad enough to put up with my bat shit craziness and me blabbering about music then they must love me for me.

The other day an old lady collapsed in the middle of the road and I ran over, she had blood everywhere pouring from her nose and cars stopped, from one of the cars jumped out a woman and she shouted “I’m a nurse”. To my surprise it was a woman who I went to school with and she was an absolute bitch to me back then. She used to sit at the back of the class not paying attention causing shit (throwing stuff at the back of my head to be specific and bullied me with her cronies) and shouted “EHHH?!” rather loud to make her sound really thick when she didn’t understand anything. I really tried hard, paid attention, revised for exams, did extra work and tried everything to get good grades and she would dick about, skip classes, never get work in on time. But there we were she was a trained nurse helping possible save this women’s life and there’s me in my black restaurant uniform covered in mushy peas and soup sticking of beer walking home. The tables had really turned and I felt awful about myself, I put in so much effort at school and I fucked it up by choosing to study Performing Arts at college to piss my mum off rather than studying travel and tourism and pursuing my dream as an air hostess (I’m only 5″1 so I’m too short to do it anyway). 

I guess that these things might have been the push that I needed to start making some changes in my life and challenging myself. I started this blog (not that I’m a roaring success but I’ll keep trying, it’s quite therapeutic), my GlamRat instagram page (nearly at 200 followers which isn’t much but it’s a start), I’m hoping to create my own jewellery, in years to come try and make a magazine of GlamRat and I’m definitely gonna have to learn to drive so I can be free (well as I can be) and hopefully start making a success out of my life.

I do doubt myself a lot and from a lot of judgement made to me in the past those dark thoughts do resurface every now and then but surely being in my mid 20s just means I have a bigger push to achieve more in the coming years, don’t I??

Every Girl Needs to Feel Great!

“Eurgh I’m a walking ball of grease!” I feel like a huge ball of grease at times. I have always suffered with greasy hair and as soon as my teenage years knocked on my door, my skin has gone the same way. I also work in a restaurant which has a really hot kitchen with steam, smoke and grime everywhere so after a long day of work particularly Sundays, I can’t wait to slip into a hot steamy bath with my favourite products! Which mainly consist of things from the Body Shop.

The Body Shop can be expensive for a lot of things but I just love them and they can be worth the money. I have everything from their Banana shampoo/conditioner to their delightful Mango hand sanitiser which is perfect for your handbag. I love the great selection of smells that they have and a whole range of products to suit everybody but I must say I’m not a huge fan of their make up range (their eyeliners in particular are not great).

At the moment, I have been loving their Seaweed Collection which is perfect for normal/combination skin,  I have the exfoliating scrub, the cleansing gel wash and the mud mask and I must say they are fantastic. The cleansing gel is gentle enough to use everyday if you wanted to, I use the scrub 2-3 times a week to scrub mainly my nose, chin and forehead (having a greasy fringe doesn’t help my greasy forehead!) and I use the mud mask maybe once a week or maybe once a fortnight. You can only have it on for 10 minutes, I learned from experience…I put it on before bed and I fell asleep, my brother woke me up and I couldn’t move my face…it took AGES to come off and my skin was stupidly dry and tight. I had to moisturise a lot but at least it got rid of my grease. I use Moisture Surge by Clinique as it is light enough to not make my skin greasy or add to its natural grease and yes it is Β£38 a pot but…a pot lasts me two years as I only use a nail tip spot for my whole face, it’s great! 

Any hoo, I also love their hand sanitisers which are perfect for your handbag and I also find they are great to use incase of an emergency like you’ve not put enough deodorant on…long day…been to the gym…rocked out at a gig a bit too much…run to the toilets, quickly squirt into your hands, rub under your arm pits and off you go! Also would be perfect for if you go to a festival like Download or Sweden Rock Festival and perfect for taking with you on holiday. Another little thing to keep in your bag is their 50ml Eau de Toilette bottles, they come in a whole fruit basket full of flavours but my favourites are cocoa for winter, grapefruit for the spring and strawberry or mango for the summer. They are just the right size to be in your handbag just in case that you…I don’t know…hang around after a gig, the band comes out to greet their fans, quick pull it out of the bag *squirt squirt* and smell amazing while looking hot at the same time! Haha!

I don’t know about you but I don’t like using salt scrubs, I find them (as always) too greasy for me, they are meant to make you feel clean and flake free but I always feel slimey and grimey. That’s why I love Body Shop’s sugar scrubs and I always feel amazingly refreshed and flake skin free! My favourite flavour is Winter 2016’s Frosted Berries (I love the whole collection but the scrub is my favourite). I can smell it on my skin hours later after having a shower/bath and feel great all day! The only downside is that they dont make them in a travel size pot (only in the large giftpacks), it would come with me everywhere I went on vacation! I laugh at myself because I get worried that I’ll walk into work smelling like a fruit basket! I use the banana shampoo and conditioner, Frosted Berries scrub, use a little bit of mango hand sanitiser and a couple of squirt of the strawberry Eau de Toilette! Hmm, so fruity!

I hope you love their products as much as I and believe me they are worth the money if you can afford it. Just treat yourself once in a while and the little treats are perfect for your handbag or rocking travels!

Xoxo A selection of my Body Shop collection

Is Everything Expensive or am I Really Poor??

“I’m sorry…how much?” I seem to be saying this more and more lately and to be honest…it’s really starting to tick me off!

People go on about how money can’t buy you happiness but I tell you what it sure helps out with a lot of things. Growing up my parents never had a lot of money but I was always taught the worth of things so I made sure that I looked after it. Now as an adult I understand the struggle of what my parents must have gone through to provide us with even the simplest of things.

I gotta admit though I do love treating myself and I’m a strong believer in quality over quantity but now a treat can seriously eat into my budget. I work 30 hours a week on minimum pay to support my household with the help from my brother but with rent, bills and basic living (I mean a girl’s gotta eat) I find myself with less and less each month. I invest in my make up which is something I wear everyday (I swear by Urban Decay, Rimmel and Clinique products, but damn I make it last) and I always like to have a good pair of jeans, a decent jacket and comfortable shoes but come on…I do love those luxuries πŸ™„ I came so close to buying a Β£350 Louis Vuitton Monogram silver and grey scarf as I wear a scarf all year round (I hate having a cold neck) and it was the same as Olli Herman’s (Reckless Love, lead singer) when I met him after one of his gigs. I saw it as an investment piece (I’d wear it 340 days of the year as I live in the north east of England where it’s cold most of the year) but when I thought about it rationally, Β£350 is 10 days work and nearly six weeks of my portion of the rent…so goodbye gorgeous scarf…*sniff*

But sometimes I find that everyday and quirky/niche things are over priced or maybe they are in my eyes…mother says that it’s because I want everything for Β£1…to be honest, it wouldn’t hurt! I fell in love with a website which is based in America and they sell loads of amazing skull/tattoo/goth/punk/rocker influenced designs. I found an item that I wanted for my brother’s birthday, it was an ideal gift, a Savings Jar with tattoo money across the front, it was only Β£3.99. I thought yep perfect and I found a tshirt for Β£5 so in total Β£8.99, I got all the way through to payment and it said please check your order so I did and I was horrified that all together with shipping my two items cost me Β£47!!! What?!?! That’s stupidly insane!! I quickly cancelled my order but I have found that there is a lot of websites that seem to do the same thing. 

Primark is one of my BIG offenders of a price rise in their products. I bought a pair of black skinny jeans last year for Β£8, I’m due for a fresh pair and I had a look the other day and they’ve gone up to Β£13! I know it’s not a lot of money to start with but that’s a steep jump! In another shop I saw a gorgeous pair of grey faded skinnies, ripped knees with silver studs up the sides and frayed hems, thought they looked badass turned over the ticket price and was so shocked it said Β£37.99!! F*** me, I could buy the Β£13 skinnies out of Primark,  buy a pack of studs for Β£3 and do it myself (I’m planning to do that anyway but that’s not the point). I still love Primark and I buy things from H&M and New Look (when they’re not being daft with prices) but the one shop I can’t justify buying anything at full price from is TopShop. I know I post on my Instagram my top picks from them but I seriously have a cat in hell’s chance of buying anything from there…unless my boss gives me a generous pay rise…I highly doubt it…he loves me but not that much. I don’t understand how students go in there and leave with bags of stuff, yes they get 20% discount but even so that doesn’t amount to much. I find that even people who make their own stuff and then sell them online can be steep too, yes it’s your time and effort you’re putting into it but doesn’t mean you can rip me off in the mean time.

All I’m saying is that it is a huge pain in the arse that shops/websites/designers think they can charge whatever they want and people will instantly buy it…well not me…I tend to buy a lot of stuff in the sale or from charity shops (thrift shop…I instantly think of the song) and at the moment I’m considering creating my own stuff because I can’t afford to buy them from the shops. I have an imagination, I’m just lazy when it comes to doing things, it’s time to push and show the world, I’m not dumb enough to buy your over expensive stuff in the name of fashion.

But I’m sure one day I’ll buy my Louis Vuitton scarf πŸ™„